


Silhouette

by flamingofics



Category: Gundam Wing
Genre: Angst, Gift Fic, Gundam Wing Secret Santa, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Nightmares
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-22
Updated: 2017-12-22
Packaged: 2019-02-18 07:45:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,952
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13095588
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/flamingofics/pseuds/flamingofics
Summary: A.C. 210. In the early, dark hours of Christmas Eve, Heero Yuy has a nightmare of what could have been.Written as a gift for AlwaysLivingElsewhere on Tumblr through the 2017 Gundam Wing Secret Santa Exchange.





	Silhouette

**Author's Note:**

> To my giftee: in many ways this small piece fought me tooth and nail, and I have finished it feeling a little unsatisfied with a handful of small things here and there. However, I hope that you can still enjoy what I have to offer! I wish you the best this holiday season!

A shuddering intake of breath, a softly choked noise, and Heero was awake.

A short series of rapid blinks and his eyes were wide open, darting reflexively about his immediate surroundings. The space around him was dark and neutral – both familiar and foreign in his state of sudden wakefulness. His ears rung against the ambient silence. Only a small portion of the room was washed in light, cut into a harshly edged shape by the opening it poured in through.

_“What a surprise! Hey, Heero. You really are superhuman, huh?”_

Heero’s eyes snapped shut on reflex. He shakily released the breath he hadn’t realized he’d been holding in. His fingers squeezed tightly into the material he was lying sideways upon – _sleeping, I was sleeping,_ his brain automatically supplied – and as he slowly took in another breath he began to ground himself in his senses.

That light... It had been coming in through the window. The moon was full tonight. They were on Earth.

That was clean silk clenched within his fingers. Dark blue, silk bed sheets. Quatre had had them changed the morning prior to their arrival.

Those were camellia flowers he smelled. Rashid had cut them fresh from the property’s massive garden and displayed them on the bedside table in their room as a gesture of welcome.

That soft, almost unnoticeable rhythm gently pulsating through the air and to his ears – the even lilt that occasionally harbored a hint of a whistle – that was…

That sound was…

_“Just in time. They were about to use me and my Gundam for their wicked plans.”_

Red began to cloud the vision behind his eyelids, and Heero forced them open once more.

The mattress creaked lightly beneath him as he planted a hand against it. His partner was not necessarily a light sleeper, but Heero did not want to risk waking him. Not for this.

Just a look. One look was all he needed right now. Just to make sure he was actually here, and not–

_“If I’m gonna die it’d seem appropriate for you to do it.”_

In one smooth motion Heero carefully rolled over onto his other side.

The sight that met him did not immediately placate his nerves as he had hoped.

Curled up beside him, Duo slept peacefully, head dipped towards his chest and unruly bangs covering his eyes. His arms were drawn up in front of him, hands turned inwards as if to protect something that couldn’t be seen. Though his breathing was still audible, Duo’s body remained eerily still – a quirk Heero had come to learn was normal for the man when in deep slumber.

That knowledge did nothing to soothe him now.

He slowly reached out and brushed Duo’s hair away from his face with trembling fingers. Duo’s face was slack and relaxed, not taut with stress or marred with sweat and fear. His eyelashes fluttered lightly as Heero’s fingers trailed down the side of his face and settled on the side of his neck. Heero zeroed in on Duo’s pulse, slow and soft and steady beneath his touch. Swallowing around a forming lump at the top of his esophagus, he attempted to keep his breathing calm as he let his thumb travel to rest within the hollow of Duo’s throat, just beneath his Adam’s apple. The skin there was whole, pristine and unblemished. Of course it was. Heero hadn’t–

_“Here. Go right ahead and shoot me.”_

Heero’s hand jerked back away from Duo and fisted itself over his mouth as he fought against the sensation of bile attempting to rush up his throat. He choked back a hiccup and let his fingers spread to cover his eyes, missing the way Duo’s body shifted as he took in a larger breath. Heero could feel himself start to lose what remained of his composure little by little. The last time he’d had a nightmare so crippling had been over a year ago. And he’d been doing so _well…_

“Heero?”

Heero’s breath hitched but he did not lower his hand from his face. After a moment fingers gently pulled at his wrist. Eventually he allowed his hand to fall away, but he kept his eyes shut.

The grip on his wrist tightened, a thumb shifting to rub against the back of his hand. “Heero, what’s wrong?”

The genuine concern in Duo’s otherwise groggy voice prompted Heero to open his eyes. Duo blinked at him, bleary-eyed and sluggish and _alive_.

Heero couldn’t find it in him to try and avoid the inevitable. “…Nightmare.”

Suddenly Duo appeared that much more awake. He lifted his head from his pillow and shifted his gaze across Heero’s face, quietly assessing him.

“Was it… one of the regulars?”

“No.”

“…A stranger?”

A shiver ran up the back of Heero’s neck. His lips thinned into a hard line.

Duo seemed to read something in his demeanor. His gaze softened and he settled his head back onto his pillow, his hand continuing to grip Heero’s. He waited.

Heero took three slow and deliberate breaths. “Do you remember during the war, back on C-102?”

Duo’s expression shifted subtly as he appeared to think. Finally, he let out a low whistle. “Man, talk about a blast from the past,” he murmured, eyes briefly downcast. “It was… after we left Singapore for space, yeah? I got captured… and then you came and got me.”

Heero swallowed audibly.

“Except back then,” Duo glanced back up at him, “that wasn’t what you’d initially come to do.”

_“…Hey. You’re really gonna shoot me, aren’t you…?”_

“I did.”

“…Heero?”

“I did it. In my dream, I…” There was a pressure behind Heero’s eyes, but he blinked it back. “I went through with it. I-I…” The hand holding his shifted up to his forearm and squeezed. Heero resolved to maintain eye contact. “I didn’t even say anything. I just… I pulled the trigger, and you–” His voice cracked. “You just kept looking at me, even as you fell. You didn’t even try to get back up. And when you tried to speak you couldn’t because of how much… There was just _so much–_ ” Heero’s words came to an abrupt halt as Duo surged forward and sealed his lips with his own. Duo’s hand travelled up to frame his cheek, his palm comfortingly warm.

Duo released Heero’s mouth and angled his head so that their foreheads were touching. “I’m here,” he whispered. “I’m right here, Heero. I gotcha.”

Heero released a shaky breath. “I just walked away,” he said. “I turned around and just left you there like that, like you were nothing. And I…” He blinked and felt tears finally begin to fall. “I didn’t feel a goddamned _thing_.”

Duo nuzzled his forehead even closer to Heero’s, continuing to mutter assurances and comforting words. Heero let his eyes shut as he focused on steadying his breathing, letting the soothing cadence of Duo’s voice encompass him. It was one of the things Heero loved best about Duo, his voice, and if there was one thing he wanted – and needed – at that moment it was to hear Duo talk.

Long minutes passed before Duo pulled back in order to look at Heero properly.

“What can I do?”

Heero reached up and gently touched the hand cradling his face. “…Help anchor me?”

Duo smiled tightly, pulling his hand away and taking Heero’s with it. He wound their fingers together and squeezed reassuringly, settling their hands between them on the bed.

“We got here yesterday morning, yeah? ...Well, I guess two mornings ago at this point. Do you remember?”

“Yes.”

“Where is here?”

“…Quatre’s. His residence in Greece.”

“That’s right. We came here to celebrate, yeah?”

“For Christmas and New Year’s.”

“Mm-hm. Those and one other thing.”

Heero’s nose reflexively scrunched up in thought. Duo raised Heero’s knuckles to his lips and held back a snort of laughter.

“…Wufei’s birthday on the thirty-first. Quatre planned him a surprise party.”

“Bingo.” Duo’s smile became more genuine as he watched Heero’s features slowly begin to relax. “Wufei’s finally hitting the big three-zero and Quatre wanted to surprise him instead of doing our usual mellow hangout. He’s forbade us from so much as reminding Wufei that his birthday even exists for the last two months.”

“…He’ll probably hate all of the attention.”

Duo laughed. “He’ll only _pretend_ he hates it.”

The corners of Heero’s mouth turned up gently. “…We’ve come a long way, haven’t we?”

Duo’s smile took on a hint of melancholy. “Sure have. All of us.” He stared at Heero a moment longer before rolling onto his back, pulling Heero’s hand along with him. Heero readily took the hint and allowed himself to be pulled into the other’s embrace, sighing as his head came to rest on Duo’s shoulder and fingers began to card through his hair.

“Little better?”

“…Mm. It’s just…”

“What?”

“…Do you think they’ll ever stop?”

Duo’s hand paused briefly in its ministrations before resuming in a slower and more thoughtful rhythm. “I dunno,” he admitted. “Maybe… not completely. But if anything they’ve been becoming less and less frequent. This is your first in… what, a year?”

Heero hummed noncommittally. “It’s been even longer for you… hasn’t it?” he ventured quietly.

Duo stilled once more. After several long, silent seconds Heero began to regret his prying. He was about to say as much when Duo sighed sharply and tugged Heero more securely against him. Heero went willingly, sliding an arm across Duo’s torso but determined to let his partner be the one to break the silence.

“The thing about the past is that it’s always behind us, right where we left it,” Duo said slowly. “You might have some good memories back there, but it’s also filled with plenty of could-haves and couldn’t-haves – things that never got the chance to actually live but also… never truly died.” Heero’s grip around his waist tightened ever so slightly. Duo’s grip solidified in kind. “The day I decided to try not to turn around and check on them so often was around the time things started to finally get better. We could contemplate on the what-ifs as much as we want, but in the end all we can really do is remember the things we actually did or, ah… didn’t do.” Duo paused in order to press a kiss to the crown of Heero’s head. “It’s probably best to just leave some things where they fell and… try and keep looking forward, yeah?”

“…You’re probably right.”

“Of course I am.”

Heero ignored the deliberate quip. “There are some things… I don’t want to forget.”

“Then don’t,” Duo said simply. “Just know that you’ll always have people to go to if it ever gets to be too much, okay?”

Heero craned his neck in order to meet Duo’s gaze and felt himself smile. “Thank you, Duo.”

Duo smiled back before smoothly flipping the both of them over so that he was mostly on top. A laugh worked its way out of Heero as Duo noisily made himself comfortable against him.

“I love you,” Duo muttered through a sudden yawn, “but I’ll be damned if I sleep through breakfast a second time in a row.” He snatched at the blankets around them and pulled them up until they were both drowning in warmth.

“If you do, I’ll just make some for you myself once you wake up,” Heero said, trying for a put-upon delivery but unable to keep the fondness out of his voice.

Duo hummed contentedly against Heero, already beginning to drift off. “You’d do that for little ol’ me?”

Heero smiled gently at the man he held in his arms – his future. “If that’s what you want me to do.”

**Author's Note:**

> I'm not even going to pretend that I didn't have Aquilo's [Silhouette](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Hgv2-UxxWKs) playing on loop the vast majority of the time that I was writing this. NOT EVEN.


End file.
